May you be at Peace
I stopped by the barn earlier this week. It was midday and normally I’d be working but I had yet another post operative doctor’s appointment and also had to sign some notarized paperwork. So, I took the day off.
After weeks away nursing an injury, the world began to feel small and confined. Being at the barn feels like being able to breathe again.
Trudy and I have really missed each other. As I walked into the barn, I saw her head pop out as she nickered for me. I’m still not able to help with all the normal barn tasks yet so I just sat near her while she was in the cross ties, being groomed and iced after working. Every time I looked up from where I was sitting, she was staring at me with those big, beautiful eyes. Those eyes that bored into me the first time I met her, telling me, “I know you don’t know anything, but I like you and you should take me home.” And I did.
I know a bit more now and Trudy is a very happy and healthy horse. Confident and secure, knowing she has a forever home where all her needs are met. I reached up to pet her and she licked my hand while looking me in the eye. We were catching up, sharing some love, and enjoying our friendship.
I call Trudy my OG horse. (In this case I’ve substituted gray for gangster, though I can tell you she has plenty of “gangsta” in her.) I’m still enthralled by her beauty. With those soft eyes, her exquisitely elegant head, her long fuzzy ears, and her pink nose. She takes my breath away.
So many changes started with her. She is where a better life began. I went from being sick, depressed, and isolated, to being part of a fun and supportive horse community. A community that helped me rebuild my confidence and enjoy life again.
I began the process of reclaiming my voice, emulating the “bad ass boss mare” that is Trudy. Even The Gray Horse Diaries was started to document how she was helping me grow, healing my heart and soul. I was clearing out other people’s visions from my space and taking the time to really listen to my heart.
Learning to care for Trudy, I learned how to care for myself. I moved past being afraid to take risks, which ultimately led to the purchase of Ty. Suddenly I found myself with two horses, a dog, and many friends who are as dear to me as family could ever be. My life, and my heart, are full.
It’s amazing how all this space clearing, and clarity has impacted me. With so much to love about my life, I have found that workplace drama bothers me less and unfulfilled career ambitions don’t really seem to matter very much.
Now, financially stable, with a community of friends I love, and feeling more settled in spirit, I have purchased my very first home. After a lifetime of being a restless wanderer, I know where I want to be.
Of course, life is always a work in progress and there will be challenges ahead, but I am as content now as I have ever been. And that is worth celebrating.
I stand across from Trudy, looking deep in those dark eyes and rubbing her pink nose, “You have no idea what you started, girlfriend,” I tell her, as she softly snorts and proceeds to check my pockets for what she values most…
Cookies.
Horses are magical. Good for you and Trudy!
Beautiful, Lee. You are an inspiration. Congratulations again on your new home, healing inside and out and finding your peace.